Monday, March 16, 2015

Top 5 Poopiest Games

Here they are, the most poopy games around. No, not crappy - I mean, yeah, in a sense, but... Okay, look, these games are literally the poopiest. They're games with poop. That's it. Games don't usually show that kind of stuff, but these ones do. Seriously, I don't know how you got here or why I'm writing this, let's just get this over with.

Cubivore
Via Japancommercials4U2
Cubivore is a pretty obscure GameCube game about eating other boxy animals in order to morph into new forms and become the strongest predator alive. Which form you turn into is determined by what you eat, but there are some points where it's required for you to eat certain enemies. That can throw off your desired transformation! But there's a solution: pooping. If you poop, you'll get rid of the attributes of one of the creatures you ate, allowing you to set yourself up for a more advantageous transformation.

Nintendogs
Via ZeRoyalViking
Nintendogs is a pet simulator, and anyone who has had pets will tell you that a pet simulator must have poop to be realistic. Everyone poops, ok? Dogs are no exception. Although... from the looks of it, these dogs crap out perfectly polished round turds. What are they, bunnies in disguise? I've had a dog and its poops didn't look at all like that! Screw this game; my immersion is broken.

Space Station Silicon Valley
Via SolidusSoap
Yes, the king rat is sitting on a porcelain throne.
So far all of the entries have been relatively natural occurrences of poop. This one only partially follows that theme. Yeah, Space Station Silicon Valley has a lot of animals that poop, but they aren't really animals; they're all robot animals. It's not like they have to poop to survive. Instead, these robot animals often poop as a form of attack. It turns out that robot poop tends to be explosive and works well as land mines. Aside from dropping turds as a form of attack, there's also that one level where you have to eat all the poop in the level as a rat to get a trophy. It's like a prophetic jab at achievement hunters of the future!

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth
Via Kakujo
While The Binding of Isaac bears a passing resemblance to Zelda games, it doesn't really play like one. But for the sake of explanation, you know how there are always pots to smash in Zelda games? The Binding of Isaac basically has those too, except instead of pots, it's piles of poop. There's poop everywhere. There's also an item that can make you poop. Also, as pictured, Rebirth added a bunch of new stuff including the poop boss, Dingle. I know, right? Holy crap!

Conker's Bad Fur Day
Via Poon
Aw, a game about a cute squirrel! How nice! No, mom, this game is rated M, and one of its most famous parts is the giant singing poo boss, The Great Mighty Poo. It's a vulgar crap-slinging pile of excrement with indigestible corn for teeth. Its only weakness is a roll of toilet paper thrown into its mouth and a good strong flush. But the famous Mighty Poo isn't the only poo in this game. You also have to roll giant balls of crap around, snowball style, just to get into the Poo's chamber (all while a beautiful soundtrack of fart sounds plays in the background). Then, later in the game when you're transformed into a bat, you can drop poop on your enemies as a mode of attack. Basically, Conker's Bad Fur Day is probably the poopiest game ever made.


Honorable mentions to free online games: Don't S#!+ Your Pants and Muddy Heights.

User submitted: 
Blue Dragon has poop enemies including a poop dragon boss! (Submitted by Brad H. via Google+)
Platypus Evolution every time a platypus poops, you get money! (Submitted by Gianna C via Google+)
Digimon series apparently has a lot of poop, including poop-themed monsters which eat poop and throw poop. How delightfully poopy! (Submitted by mrqewl via Reddit)
In Duke Nukem Forever, you can grab a piece of poo right out of the toilet and throw it. (Submitted by multiple readers)

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