Monday, September 30, 2013

Google Search Predictions: Gaming Edition

Why does Nintendo region lock?
To control prices, mostly. For example, they don't want their Japanese customers importing their games from Korea for cheaper. With region locking, they can set the price in each region according to what people in that region are willing and able to pay. Also because Nintendo hates America.
...hate America?
Because the United States does not officially recognize the Mushroom Kingdom as a sovereign nation.

What if Nintendo made a phone?
You and the person you wanted to call would have to add each other's number to your contacts before you'd be able to talk to each other. Otherwise children would be able to talk to strangers, and we can't have that.

Why does Sony copy Nintendo?
Because Soneeds what Ninten do.

What if Sony bought Nintendo?
(via aminatm)
Why does Xbox One suck?
Well it doesn't look like it'll suck as much as it was going to, now that they changed a lot of those restrictions on used games and online connections. It still sucks because it's stupidly expensive for little to no benefit over the Playstation 4 and because it still requires a subscription to play online which is also more expensive than the PS4's required subscription. Meanwhile, it's still free to play online on PC or Wii U. And half its features aren't available in most of the world.

What if Xbox One was a girl?
(via pulsarmedia)
Do video games cause violence? 
Probably not, but your bad parenting might.

Why does Mario wear a hat?
It's part of his work uniform and helps to make the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing Co. brand recognizable.
...look Mexican?
This is a little known fact, but Mario actually is Mexican. Nintendo has only recently tried to cover up this fact and claim that he is Italian because they realized that Mexico is part of North America, which, as we all know, Nintendo hates. For further proof, pay attention next time you start a level in Super Mario 64; what's commonly misheard as "Let's-a-go!" is actually Mario's shout-out to his home country of Mexico.

Why does Luigi sniff his finger?
To check whether it's ripe enough to eat yet.

Why does Zelda always have to save the princess?
Because Zelda is a pretty cool guy and eh doesn't afraid of anything. Same reason Metroid can't crawl, really.

Why does Mega Man look like that?
Like what? Like this? Because that's a pumpkin, not the actual Mega Man, silly.
...have to kill Zero?
Because there can only be One.
...sound like a girl?
C'mon, everyone knows this one. If you read chapter 4 of volume 23 of the Japan-exclusive Rockman Goes to Hollywood spinoff manga, you'd know that Dr. Light had to install a girl's voice when he made Mega Man due to a recall on the male voice parts during the time of his construction.
...shoot lemons?
He shoots like 8 different weapons in every Mega Man game and you're worried about lemons? If you must know, it's because every robot is weak to lemons.

Why does master chief need / have / wear a cloak?
It's cold in space. Really cold. If you don't dress warm you're gonna regret it and I'm not gonna want to drive you back home just because you didn't plan ahead, so bring your cloak, just in case.

Why does solid snake smoke?
He's slowly and stealthily killing his enemies with second-hand smoke.
...have a mullet?
You don't need a reason to have a mullet. I once saw a painting of Jesus with a mullet. If mullets are good enough for Jesus, they should be good enough for Snake.
...wear a bandanna?
It goes with the mullet, obviously.
...age so fast?
One year in real life equals five years in a video game. This is also why technology goes out of date so quickly.

How do I get married in animal crossing?
First, your friendship with the villager you want to marry has to be as high as possible. You'll be able to tell that it's high enough when they've given you three or more pictures of themselves. Next, buy five royal crowns, wrap them (you can buy wrapping paper at the store), and send them to the villager you want to marry, one at at time, on five consecutive days. The last letter must arrive on that character's birthday. (For a list of birthdays, check here.) On each letter write out "Will", "you", "marry", "me", "?" without quotes and with only one word per letter. The last letter will only contain a question mark. After that, the villager will have a 30% chance of accepting your offer and will approach you with their response, as they do with public works project suggestions, sometime during the next six months.

Why does GTA 5 look so good?
It's because of the anti-rasterized bump mapping of the aliased pixels.

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