Monday, April 1, 2013

6 of the Hottest Video Game Characters Ever

I've scoured the history of gaming to find the hottest characters ever. Hyped? You should be. But before you continue, make sure you equip some fire resistant armor and charms. Alright, now you can go.

Angry Sun
If you've played Super Mario Bros. 3, you ought to remember this hothead. Just when you think he's a creepy part of the background, he starts dive bombing you for no good reason. But that fact that he isn't part of the background is what keeps him so far down the list; he's way too small to be an actual sun. It's possible that the angry sun is indeed a superheated ball of burning gas, but it's also possible that he's just a normal enemy shaped like a sun. Only Mario knows the true level of the angry sun's hotness, but unfortunately, he ain't talking (apart from occasional short phrases). For now, Angry Sun's temperature will have to remain a mystery.

Volvagia
Whew, we aren't far into this list and it's already getting steamy in here. Volvagia is the fire dragon that resides in Ocarina of Time's Fire Temple (or The Hidden Palace in The Adventure of Link). The temple itself is so hot that if you aren't a goron you'll need some sort of heat protection to even go in there. To live in a place like that, you have to be pretty hot yourself. And indeed, Volvagia is hot. It can hide in lava, breathe fire, and burn you just for invading its personal space. It's also known to eat gorons, and one can only assume that it would do the same to any other creature than wanders too close. If normal logic holds true, it's probably even hotter on the inside, so you might want to steer clear of this one.


Blargg
In some games there are actually enemies that live in the lava and only come out to attack. From the Mario series, two such enemies are Podoboos and Blargg. Due to his greater size, Blargg wins his spot on the list as a big, beautiful baddie. It's unclear just how hot Blarggs are, but they seem to be utterly unperturbed by the lava surrounding them, so we can only assume that they are around the same temperature as molten lava. It may even be the case that the creatures are made of lava themselves, though it is more likely that they are some kind of dinosaur and simply appear to be made of lava because of being covered in it.

Ifrit 
Ifrit appear in a variety of games and under a variety of spellings, but they're always some kind of fire spirit, demon, or monster. They come from Arabic folklore in which they are fire jinns; so basically the same thing. In gaming, they tend to be the embodiment of all things fire and often prove to be quite difficult to defeat. When they are defeated, it often seems as though they were holding back and simply testing you. Luckily, these mighty beings are rarely completely antagonistic toward you and may even aid you when summoned in battle. That's good, because no one wants to be on the receiving end of an ifrit's flames.

Magcargo
It's a weird thing that kids are allowed to go out and try to capture dangerous Pokemon. There are psychic ones, ones that can burn, cut, freeze, electrocute, and otherwise kill you in every way imaginable. But few Pokemon are as dangerous as Magcargo, since simply being near one would likely be detrimental to your health. According to Magcargo's Pokedex entry, its body temperature is around 18,000 degrees Fahrenheit (10,000 °C). That's almost double the temperature at the surface of the sun (5,600 °C)! Luckily, Magcargo seems to be able to contain this incredible heat most of the time... except for the occasional eruption of flames. You'd probably be better off keeping this Pokemon in its ball.

Heat Man

I hear you; "There's no way a character could be hotter than Magcargo," is what you're saying, right? Well I was in fact able to find one. It turns out that the Mega Man series is stuffed to the rafters with hot bosses, including Magma Man, Flame Man, Fire Man, Burner Man, and our winner, Heat Man. After extensive research, I was only able to find approximate temperatures for two of those characters, and Heat Man won out over Fire Man's measly 4,400 °C with a whopping 12,000 °C! His appearance as a Zippo lighter might be unassuming, but be warned, Heat Man is the hottest character I know.


Know an obvious hottie that I missed or have a burning question? Leave it in the comments!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Your comments will be printed and put on the refrigerator. Because I love you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...